Miranda and Bryan II

Dear Miranda,
I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you. I want you to know that I am very sorry if i ever made you feel like I was avoiding you. I want you to know I love you very much and this is the first chance I had to write you. I love you now and forever and I want you yo know you will always be in my heart. I wish everyday that our situation was different. I wish everyday I could go back to when I knew I wanted to be with you and did nothing. I know that you have gone through a lot in the last few months and I was not there for you. This has been the hardest thing in my life to leave you knowing that i may be losing the best thing thst has ever happened to me. You have touched me in ways no one has ever done.
I still believe we are soul mates and someday we will be together. Unfortunatly we can't be right now. I don't know what the future will bring but I hope that you will be in it. I want you to know that I never ignored you on purpose but I have been too busy or tired. I know that is not a good excuse, but well thats the truth.
I am also sorry that I never got to say goodbye to the love of my life. I hope someday you will forgive me for what I have done to you, but I understand if you never do.
I hope to talk to you soon. I love you now and always
Love,
Bryan

Finally in Denver

Hello From Denver!
well we got moved in yesterday after a horrible story I am about to share with you.

Tuesday th 28th we are ready to move. Andy and I pick up the truck and recuit my brothers Ben and Michael, and my father-in-law Deak to help us move. About 11:00am we have the truck half loaded. Andy and Michael are pushing the mattress up the stairs and Andy's phone rings and it is our apartment place. The man on the phone is telling us we can't move in.
Here is the thing: we had been working with this apartment for two months and we were under the impression we had it in the bag. They even painted the walls the color we asked. There were two problems the day before but to our understanding we had those taken care of and we had the go ahead. But we were not approved to move into the taxcredit apartment that we were going to.
So as quikly as we had heard we called another apartment place that we had looked at before. Patti, the lady in charge, told us that she had two openings for us that we could move into the next day. The other apartments also had two places we could move into too, but they were not tax credit. On "moving day" we spent the day looking for an apartment.
But Patti won! It took her one day to approve us and she had the most awesome apartment available. So we switched buildings compleately, not just building but rental property. And I think we got a better deal than we originaly had and we have a two bedroom too. And we got moved in December 29th. :)

Can't wait for visitors!
Love Shawna
oh and p.s. if you didn't get the new address and you want it call me or email me K

Song in My Head 12/27

I feel this is a perfect song for to day 'cuz it's my last day living in this area and last day of work in Greeley

Break Away --- Kelly Clarkson

grew up in a small town
and when the rain would fall down
i'd just stare out my window
dreamin' of what could be
and if i'd end up happy
i would pray
trying hard to reach out
but when i tried to speak out
felt like no one could hear me
wanted to belong here
but something felt so wrong here
so i prayed i could break away
i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly
i'll do what it takes till i touch the sky
and i'll make a wish take a chance make a change
and break away
out of the darkness
and into the sun
but i won't forget the ones that i love
i'll take a risk take a chance make a change
and break away
want to feel a warm breeze
sleep under a palm tree
feel the rush of the ocean
get on board a fast train
travel on a jet plane
far away and break away
buildings with a hundred floors
swinging round revolving doors
maybe i don't know where they'll take me
but gotta keep movin on
fly away break away
out of the darkness into the sun
but i wont forget the place i come from
i gotta take a risk take a chance make a change
and break away

Miranda and Bryan

written by Shawna

Dear Bryan,
I am sitting on our bench right now thinking about you. Although thinking about you is nothing new, the thoughts I am thinking are extremely special right now. The first day you loved me. Something that will never leave my heart or memory ever.
It was very cold outside but we decided to go to our spot anyway. We walked over to the bench, our bench. On our way there it started raining, not only raining but it was icy, not quite snow. You told me you had something important to say to me. You took my hands, looked into my eyes and said "I LOVE YOU" and I have no idea what I answered back. Then we walked to your car because it became way too cold. But I was so very happy you said it and I know I told you I told you that I was. That must have been so hard for you.
The other thing I am thinking about is when you told me you knew exactly how you would propose to me. And I got frustrated because you wouldn't tell me how. I am still wondering how you would do it. But that's the point right?
I can't believe you actually left. I keep telling myself that you didn't leave ME, and Laura keeps telling me you will be back soon. You only left six days ago but it feels like eternity. How come all the time we had together and all the time I didn't get to see you before you left went so quickly but the last six days have crawled. I just want it to be the day I am with you forever.
Two years ago on your birthday I gave you a card and a kiss on your cheek, last year I gave you a real kiss and in a few days I can't give you anything but a "Happy Birthday." A year ago you could say that we found the best thing and the worst thing of our lives.... Love for each other. But for now, until we can be together we will just have to keep on living.

I love you with all my heart
Yours Forever
Miranda

Song in My Head 12/26

SLIPPED AWAY ---- Avril Lavigne

(This song is very sad.... it could be about someone who has passed away or anyone you wish you were close to but are not anymore)

Na na
Na na na na na na
I miss you
I miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
CHORUS
The day tou slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
Oh
Na na
Na na na na na
I didn't get around to kiss you goodbye
On the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened you passed by
Now you're gone
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
CHORUS
Na na
Na na na na na na
I miss you

One more day to go!

I have one more shift left! Yes only one more and then bye bye working in greeley. And guess what everyone, I get to work the closing shift 3-11:30 huray!
Oh and I did cry today! I said goodbye to some people, even some customers and at one point I cried. But I will survive, yes I will.
Definitly I will miss everybody that I worked with. 3 years is a long time.
But now I have to leave you all and pack.

Love Shawna

My Traditional Sharing of Christmas Gifts

MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well it has always been a tradition for my friends and me to call each other and share what we got for Christmas. So now I will share them with you!

FROM:
Andy- A new coat, it is green and grey and very warm
Ziggy (my cat) - a picture holder for my wallet
Sable (my cat) - Gloves, also warm, blue with stripes
Mom and John - universal present, a green stuffed frog that sings "I feel pretty"
Dad - snow pants (that match my coat)- Avril Lavigne CDs (both "Let Go" and "Under My Skin")-
a robe, its green - a book - bestbuy gift card - universal gift
Ben - SIMs 2 game for the PC
Michael - A new bed for Ziggy and Sable
Grandma and Grandpa - "Meow Punk" PJs, red with a punk cat
Mary - a cool saying that you can hang on the wall about friends
Deedra - a blanket with kitties on it
Phil (my brother-in-law)- a cool Fairy figurine
Patti (mother-in-law)- couch $$, art from Taos, New Mexico
Deak (father-in-law)- BestBuy gift card, Smart Wool (socks), Khols gift card
Connor (Andy's cousin who drew my name) - a dolphin statue that lights up
The Nolan Family (Andy's aunt, uncle, and cousins) - Home Depot gift card
Grandma and Grandpa (Andy's) - a blanket (That coincidently matches the new couch and one of the wall colors in my new apartment)

crazy

I am going crazy!!!! Ok I guess not really. I have to pack still, but when? I am starting to get nervous and that is not like me.... but I guess nervousness could mean it's a good thing.

Love Shawna

P.S. Happy Birthday Ben! My little brother is 20 today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Song in My Head 12/21

OVER AND OVER ---- NELLY AND TIM MCGRAW
CHORUS
'Cuz it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
And I keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad
'Cuz it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
And it hurts so bad
And I can't take it and I can't shake it no....

Verse 1 (Nelly)
I can't wait to see you
Wanna see if you still got that look in your eye
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame
That we have to spend our time be mad about the same things
Over and over again, about the same things, over and over again
Oh, but I think she's leaving, oh man, she's leaving
I don't know what else to do I can't go on not loving you

Chorus

Verse 2 (Nelly)
I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took infront of me
When you said that you would leave
I was too damned stuborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see it clearly now
And this choice I made keeps playing over in my head
Over and over agian, playing in my head, over and over again
I think she's leaving, oh man she leaving.....
I don't know what else to do
I can't go on not loving you

Chorus

(Nelly)
Now that I realize that I'm going down
From all this pain you put me through
(Tim McGraw)
Everytime I close my eyes
I get down.....
Oh I can't go on not loving you

'Cuz it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
And I keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad
'Cuz it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
Replay it over and over again......

Only 4 days 'til Christmas

There are only 4 days left. Today is my only day off before Christmas day when the store gets to shut down and all employees get the day off. I'm starting to go crazy and I don't know how I'm going to do all of this: A week from today we are moving and I still have packing to do, I still have 3 or 4 people to shop for, I have to clean out my car, and I was scheduled 38.5 hours...... great huh?
Not to motion I have friends to see.... I want to have a moving away party but when? Right? As of now I am thinking Sunday or Monday night but I will let Yale know. If all else fails there is always a bunch of house warming parties. LOL

So I walk into my new store that I will be transferring to and find out yet again I Shawna Marie have been screwed over. I was told that they never received my transfer papers and if they would have known one week earlier that I would have had an automatic checking petition. GREAT!!!!!!!! SOME INFORMATION I COULD HAVE USED YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I still think it will all work out for me.

THE FIND OF THE GREEN COUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andy hates our couch and I saw nothing wrong with it. It was a free couch (always good) and I happen to like it. But Andy said that a new couch was all he wanted for Christmas and his birthday so we started looking. Finally we found it a green sectional. Yes I know you are probably wondering what we are doing with a green couch but I really like it. So yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas
Love Shawna

Song in My Head 12/13

INEVITABLE ----- Shakira (In Spanish)
Si es cuestion de confesar
no se preparar cafe
y no entiendo de futbol
creo que alguna vez fui infiel
juego mal hasta el parques
y jamas uso reloj
y para ser mas franca nadie
piensa en ti como lo hago yo
aungue te de lo mismo
si es cuestion de confesar
nunca duermo antes de diez
ni mw bano los domingos
la verdad es que tambien
lloro una vez al mes
sobre todo cuando hay frio
conmigo nada es facil
ya debes saber
me conoces bien
y sin ti todo es tan aburrido
el cielo esta cansado ya de ver
la lluvia caer
y cada dia que pasa es uno mas
parecido a ayer
no encuento forma alguna de
olvidarte porque
seguir amandote es inevitable
siempre supe que es mejor
cuando hay que hablar de dos
empezar po uno mismo
ya sabras la situacion
aqui todo esta peor
pero al menos aun respiro
no tienes que decirlo
no vas a volver
te conozco bien
ya buscare que hacer conmigo
el cielo esta cansdo ya de ver
la lluvia caer
y cada dia que pasa en uno mas
parecido a ayer
no encuentro forma alguna de
olvidarte porque
seguir amandote es inevitable
siempre supe que es mejor
cuando hay que hablar de dos
empezar por uno mismo

(English Version)
To be true I must confess
Making coffe I'm a mess
Don't know anything about football
Been unfaithful once or twice
Cannot even win at dice
As for watches I don't use one
To be compleately honest
no one thinks of you
quite the wat I do....
It's all the same to you now
To be true I must confess
I never sleep after ten
never take a bath on Sundays
Since I'm telling you so much
I cry in earnest once a month
When the weather turns to freezing
With me nothing is easy
You know me so well....
With out you everything's a bore
Chorus:
The sky is seeing a million raindrops fall
The hours seem to crawl
And everyday that passes is just the same
Just like yesterday
I can't find anyweay to forget you because
To keep on loving you
is inevitable
:::::
I always felt that it was true
When we talk about us two
I should be the first revealing
Sure you know whats going on
Nothing's better since you're gone
At least I'm still breathing
And you won't be returning
Nothing left to tell
I know you so well...
what will I ever do without you?
CHORUS
::::
I always felt that it was true
When we talk about us two
I should be the first revealing......

A year ago last night

A year ago last night I was in a bad car accident after a fun night with my friends Ryan and Carley. We took Ryan's car to Denver and had fun at Hollywood Ledgends a dance club. I was Ryan's DD so that he could drink. I took a wrong turn and in all the confusion to find the right way I ran a red light! Now there were only 3 cars on those cross streets that night and of course one of them had to be going in the direction to end up hitting the car. The driver side door was smashed in and the window shattered. Ryan had to pull me out of the passenger side because I wouldn't move I was so shocked. No one was hurt THANK GOD but I was the one that could have been hurt the most and all I could think about was the car. Carley and Ryan kept asking me if I was ok and all I could say was, "Sorry Ryan I crashed your car" I was so in shock I didn't even realize that it was cold and that I wasn't wearing a coat. The worst part was that all 4 police cars left us stranded while we were waiting for Ryan's parents and brother Steve to pick us up. We walked too many blocks in a bad neighborhood to find a place to wait while I was talking to Steve on the phone to keep me calm and so they could know where we would be.
SMILE
SHAWNA

Men!!!!!

Well all I don't have much time to write because I have to go to work soon. For everyone who reads this: If you don't hear from me in a while don't worry. 1) I have to do Christmas shopping 2) Too many men!!!! Yes that is what i said. Right now I am living with 4 men. There are 4 computers in the house right now and guess what there is one for each of them.

Happy Holidays
Shawna

Song in My Head 12/7

Most Of ALL----- by Fuel
I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light
Or do you ever think of me?
And in your world somewhere
Do memories rip and tear
The ones that always keep you
hanging on
To all that might have been
And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
All those times we laughed
The scars you left
Still I miss you most of all
And by the water's side
The tall grass where we lied
The nights we cried ourselves to sleep
Most Septembers now
I break down some how
Remembering all we said
And all those dreams we never
Got to see
Are you somewhere
Without a care
Or are you as alone as I
Did you ever make it home?
And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all

Christmas Shopping

I love Christmas Shopping! Finding that perfect gift for someone is awesome and make me feel good. Of course there are the people who are totally hard to shop for and it is frustrating. But despite all of that frustration I still think it is fun.

Sunday night my grandma took me and my mom to see the Rocketts in Denver. It was neat and my grandma was so happy that I got to go. Man those girls have long legs!!!!!! My mom and I were trying to guess if they had pantyhose on or if their legs really looked that good. My grandma mentioned that she heard that they insure there legs for a lot of money. I guess if I had legs like them I would too.
There was a little girl in the production too, a little ballarina. I remembered that I always wanted to be a ballarina. So now I have to decide if I want to try and live that dream. I tought that maybe I could take lessons now as an adult even though it might be hard. But then again I could always take singing lessons instead..... thats something else I want to do.
I have been told I have a beautiful voice, but my problem is projecting it and having the confidence to sing infront of a large or even small audience. Now I don't mean kereoke, I can do that! Most people are too drunk to notice if I miss a word or sing slightly off key. I am not worried when I am on stage then. But I would love to be able to sing better then I can, sing on stage maybe even get a record contract.

Oops I am off the subject of Christmas shopping! I guess I have said enough.
LOVE
SHAWNA

Changing Stores

When I move to Denver I get the opportunity to keep my job and transfer to another store. This will be my 4th King Soopers store and I have worked for the company about five and a half years. My first two stores I was only there for a year a piece and the one I am currently at for a little over 3 years. I figured that I would be at 11 (the store I work currently) for only a year as well. Because of this I was reluctant to make friends with anyone until recently (about 1 year ago)
and now the whole store is like my family and I am really going to miss them. I will probably cry a lot. And the funny thing about it is I really don't know why I will cry so much because most of my best friends I have made at that store no longer work there as well.
I just hope that this won't give me an attitude about my new store. I have to quit thinking that because I am going to store 1 that it means it is only going to be half as good as store 11. :)
Don't worry I wont just miss my work I will probably miss everything.

Smile
Shawna

Song in My Head 12/2

HEAR ME ----- KELLY CLARKSON
Hear me
hear me
You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
wherever you are
I am waiting
Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
and I am hoping my dreams
bring you close to me
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm crying out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find Me
I'm lost inside the crowd
I's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
hear me

I used to be scared of
letting someone in
but it gets so lonely
being on my own
No one to talk to
and no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
oh, I need you here
are you listening?

I'm restless and wild
I fall but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in thoughts
and baby I'm far
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?

How U Doin'

How am I doing you ask. Well I am crazy.
Advise to everyone, don't move right around the holidays!!!!!!
Ok here is what is going on. Andy and I are moving to Denver so I can finish school. I am going to Metropolitain State College of Denver. I am really excited to go back to school after a year and a half break. No worries to all of you who want me to be a teacher I still plan to be. But unlike my stupid mistake at UNC I don't have a major in English. My new major is Speech Communications. To some of you that might not sound any better than English but trust me it is.

We are going to live downtown in Denver. We are one block from the 16th Street Mall and inbetween Speer and Champa or something. I don't know how I feel about living downtown. But the one thing I do like (at least the idea right now) is that I won't have my car and everywhere I need to go is very very close to home. Don't worry I can still visit home, but wouldn't it be more fun to visit me. LOL!!!!!
I am going to still work for King Soopers (STORE #1 for all of those who care) and its right next to my school.
Ok all I guess this is boring.
Love Shawna

Moving Day

So I have no idea if we are moving December 28th or January 2nd
But please call or email me if you would like to help us move
Love Shawna

Two Songs in My Head Today 12/1

Today I just got the brand new and excellent Kelly Clarkson CD Breakaway
I love the whole CD but would love to share the lyrics of two of my favorite songs so far. Both of the lyrics come from the CD jacket

BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES- Kelly Clarkson
Seems like just yesterday
you were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
your arms around me tight
everything it felt so right
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong
now I can't breathe
now I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am
once again
I'm torn into pieces
can't deny it, can't pretend
just thought you were the one
broken deep inside
but you won't see the tears I cry
behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
opened up and let you in
YOU MADE ME FEEL ALRIGHT
FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE
NOW ALL THAT'S LEFT OF ME
IS WHAT I PRETEND TO BE
so together but so broken up inside
cause I can't breathe I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
swallow me then spit me out
for hating you, I blame myself
just seeing you it kills me now
no I don't cry
on the outside anymore

Where is Your Heart---- Kelly Clarkson
I don't believe
in the smile that you leave me with
when you walk away and say goodbye
well I don't expect
the world to implode beneath me but for god's sake could you try
I know you are true to me
you are always there, you say you care
I know you want to be mine
Where is your heart
Cause I don't really feel you
Where is your heart
What I really want is to believe you
is it so hard to give me what I need
I Wanda your heart to bleed
and that's all I am asking for
Where is your heart?
I don't understand
your love is so cold
it's always me who's reaching out for your hand
I always dreamed
that love would be effortless
like a petal falling to the ground
a dreamer following his dream
it seems so much is left inside
but you can say anything oh anytime you need
baby it's just you and me
I know that you're true to me
you're always there, you sat you care
I know you want to be mine