Then and now

Dad, Mom, and me.
Then and now (well two years ago)

innocent, who me?

Today work went ok I guess. Same old crap I do every day. Counting money, cleaning tils/pans, and keeping the books. We just got a new self-checkout machine. It has 6 stations instead off 4. I hate them... They look nicer and they are more convenient for the store but they make my job hell. I say this only because that means I have more $$$$ to play with and there are two new and very annoying safety lock features. Trust me they are a pain in the ass.

After I get to know people better they tell me their first impressions of me... I either hear... I thought you were stuck-up or I thought you were shy and innocent and a good girl.

Well I am shy when I first meet people that is the truth and I don't get in much trouble so I guess that means I am a good girl. But the way they mean it is: I never swear, don't drink, smoke, do drugs, and to top it off eat nothing but healthy food. Well even though I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs I do tend to swear and I do like sweets.

The machine I use to count money at work is called varicash. VC counts the money by weight. Well sometimes it is a piece of crap and I cuss at it... This has confused my co-workers who have just started to get to know me. To them they have corrupted poor sweet and innocent Shawna. HA HA HA I say! They are taking the credit for my potty mouth... The funny thing is I am not even as close to filthy mouthed as they are. There are words I still choose not to say.

I don't know. HA HA HA!!!!

A picture of my tattoo design

It may be small but is a picture of my tatoo design. It does not have any color but it is a cool design and I really like it.

Song in My Head 7/28

Suffocating - Chevelle
I liked, Having hurt,
So send the pain below,Where I need it.
You used to beg me,
To take,Care of things,
And smile at the thoughts,
Of me failing.
But long before,
Having hurt,
I'll send the pain below, I'll send the pain below.
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating (I'll send the pain below),
Much like suffocating (I'll send the pain below).
You used run me away,
All while laughing,
Then cry about that fact,
Til my returns.
But long before,Having hurt,
I'll send the pain below,
I'll send the pain below.
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating (I'll send the pain below),
Much like suffocating (I'll send the pain below),
Much like suffocating!I can'y feel my chest (chest, chest),
Anymore,
Drop down,
Cause I am,
I can't feel my chest (chest, chest) (RAHH!!!.)Drop down! (RAHHHHHH!!!.)
I liked, Having hurt,
So send the pain below,
So send the pain below (Much like suffocating)
(I liked),So send the pain below (Much like suffocating)
(Having hurt),So send the pain below (Much like suffocating),
So send the pain below (Much like suffocating),
So send the pain below.

Growing Up

When you are young all you want to do is grow up. With growing up you gain priviledges of types. You can't wait for whatever age you gain the priviledge you are looking forward to next.

When you get older those thoughts stop. You don't hear many people say I can't wait to get old and grey.

There are some people though who value all of there years and are glad to get older to have one more year, two more years or 10 more years. There are some people that look forward to the next milestone in their life.

Some people wish that the could gain back their youth, and some do with plastic surgery and fast cars, but I doubt it makes them younger. Others would not relive their youth and are glad they are already past certain stages in their lives like being a teenager.

Growing up does seem to give you less time to do what you want to do. But I have come to conclusion you always have the same amount of time, it just depends on how you used it. Yeah you may have more responsibilities and have to sit down to pay the bills but... Hey it might be worth it and only take a little while. Money doesn't just appear like it did when you where a kid. ;) Wink Wink!

Song in My Head 7/27

This song was by blink 182. I liked the song and then I realized it was stupid. My new band Syd covered the song and deleted the very part of the song I didn't like. The also slowed it down (a lot) and made me decide I like the song again.

Dammit- Syd (Blink 182 cover)
It’s alright / to tell me / what you think / about meI won’t try / to argue / or hold it / against you
I know that / you’re leaving / you must have / your reasons
The season / is calling / and your pictures / are falling down

It'll happen once again
I’ll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sees through the master plan
But everybody’s gone
And I’ve been here for too long
To face this on my own
Well I guess this is growing up
Well I guess this is growing up

And maybe / I’ll see you / at a movie / sneak preview
You’ll show up / and walk by / on the arm / of that guy
And I’ll smile / and you’ll wave / we’ll pretend / it’s okay
The charade / it won’t last / when he’s gone / I won’t come back

And it’ll happen once again
You’ll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
And sees through the master plan
But everybody’s gone
And you’ve been there for too long
To face this on your own
Well I guess this is growing up
Well, I guess this is growing up [4x]
Well, I guess this is growing up

Car Wars!

Here is a story for you Mom.... Talking about road rage.

A few days ago, Andy was on his way to Loveland to visit his dad. Two men in a white camera were following too close. He said he was going at least 5 miles over the speed limit on I25 so he considered that he was going really fast. He could tell that the guys in the car where getting pretty mad and he had no idea what they were so mad about... but he couldn't merge into the right lane yet. Finally when he did so did they! Then they started waving in a out of traffic and they were right next to him yelling something out the window. He couldn't hear them because his window was shut and I don't think he cared what they were saying. Then they just stayed behind him. He was so confused. Plus he saw that there where children in the back of the camera and he wondered why the grown men were acting so stupid infront of the children.

He pretended to call the state patrol on his phone but they didn't let up. So he decided to call the state patrol for real. The dispatcher told him to exit and see if they followed him.... and they did. So she told him to get right back on I25 to see if they were still following... and he did... and they did.

And at the next exit the white camera was pulled over by a state patrol officer with his shiny new silver camero. :)

Good Story

This is a nice email story I got and would like to share

I walked into the grocery store not particularly interested in buying groceries. I wasn't hungry. The pain of losing my husband of 7 years was still too raw. And this grocery store held so many sweet memories. He often came with me and almost every time he'd pretend to go off and look for something special. I knew what he was up to. I'd always spot him walking down the aisle with the three yellow roses in his hands. He knew I loved yellow roses. With a heart filled with grief, I only wanted to buy my few items and leave, but even grocery shopping was different since he had passed on.

Shopping for one took time, a little more thought than it had for two. Standing by the meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and remembered how he had loved his steak. Suddenly a woman came beside me. She was blonde, slim and lovely in a soft green pantsuit. I watched as she picked up a large package of T-bones, dropped them in her basket, hesitated, and then put them back. She turned to go and once again reached for the pack of steaks.

She saw me watching her and she smiled. "My husband loves T-bones, but honestly, at these prices, I don't know." I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her pale blue eyes. "My husband passed away eight days ago," I told her. Glancing at the package in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my voice. "Buy him the steaks. And cherish every moment you have together."

She shook her head and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she placed the package in her basket and wheeled away. I turned and pushed my cart across the length of the store to the dairy products. There I stood, trying to decide which size milk I should buy. A Quart, I finally decided and moved on to the ice cream. If nothing else, I could always fix myself an ice cream cone. I placed the ice cream in my cart and looked down the aisle toward the front. I saw first the green suit, then recognized the pretty lady coming towards me. In her arms she carried a package. On her face was the brightest smile I had ever seen. I would swear a soft halo encircled her blonde hair as she kept walking toward me, her eyes holding mine.

As she came closer, I saw what she held and tears began misting in my eyes. "These are for you," she said and placed three beautiful long stemmed yellow roses in my arms. "When you go through the line, they will know these are paid for." She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, then smiled again. I wanted to tell her what she'd done, what the roses meant, but still unable to speak, I watched as she walked away as tears clouded my vision.

I looked down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue wrapping and found it almost unreal. How did she know? Suddenly the answer seemed so clear. I wasn't alone.

Oh, you haven't forgotten me, have you? I whispered, with tears in my eyes. He was still with me, and she was his angel. Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are.

Song in My Head 7/24

Nothing Else - Justin Timberlake
I was just walking that day aimlessly
You picked the perfect day to bump into me (perfect day perfect day)Probably should have watched the stars in the sky the night before
But for some reason
We still met at your store
You baby
And your eyes have a story
That they wish to tell
And I have my whole life and I listen well
Hey Look
I'll be your confidant
Tell me anything
But please start it off with how you tuck your wings
There's nothing else that I have seen
There's no getting around it or in between
You're out of this world
Except your not green (look)
You don't know what you mean to me
To me
All my friends meet you and say you're the one
(You're the one you're the one)
And all my meaningless friendships should be done
I should just leave them alone
Baby hey hey
You had a friend but he did you wrong
But I'm a God sent sign that reads
Please move on with me
You taught me to use my heart and forget my eyes
(Use my heart forget my eyes)
And that's the way to his kingdom to eternal life
Since you're an angel baby your job's never done
Too bad the world won't see you when they dail 911
(Thats why)
There's nothing else that I have seen
There's no getting around it or in between
You're out of this world
Except your not green (look)
You dont know what you mean to me
To me
Yeah
So why is it so complicated
What are you afraid of
I've been asking everybody what they think
But I dont know why because they don't know you
I'm even askin other guys what would they say
I don't know cos they don't do what I do
Girl, let's save the ultimatum for you
But you'd probably take that and just run
Now I gotta just decide if I'm
a help raise your mind
See the ultimatums or me thats no fun
I was just walking that day aimlessly
Da da da dum
Da da da dum
Da da da dum
Dum dum dum....

Song in my Head 7/23

Breathe (2 A.M.) - Anna Nalick

2 Am and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season.
Yea we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites you're all here for the very same reason.
Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button girl
So just cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe just breathe
May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for while
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him but maybe I'll just sing about it
Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button boys so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breath just breathe
There's a light at the end of this tunnel you shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around
2Am and I'm still awake writing this song
If i get it all down on paper it's no lonmger inside of me threaten' the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to.
But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand...yeah breath
Just breathe, ohho breathe,

Song In My Head 7/22

"The Red"- Chevelle
They say freak,
When you're singled out,
The red, well it filters through.
So lay down, the threat is real,
When his sight goes red again.
Seeing red again,Seeing red again.
This change, he won't contain,
Slip away, to clear your mind.
When asked, who made it show,
The truth, he gives in to most.
So lay down, the threat is real,
When his sight goes red again.
So lay down, the threat is real,
When his sight goes red again.
So lay down, the threat is real,
When his sight goes red again.
Seeing red again, Seeing red again,
Seeing red again, Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,Seeing red again,
Seeing red again, Seeing red....
They say freak...
When you're singled out.
The red, it filters through...

Bikes!!!!!!!

Since I have know Andy he has had three bicycles stolen from him.

1) The first bike he had was a bike he rode to work when we first met. This was 5 1/2 years ago. We worked together and one night it was really cold outside and we got off work about the same time so I offered him a ride home. The next day at work he told me that his bike had been stolen the night before because he didn't ride it home.

2) Bike #2 Andy bought with his own money after getting his first college degree. The bike was a huge investment for him. He used it primarily for mountain biking. When we moved to Denver he started using it to commute to work. One day his bike was stolen from work. (this was in April 2005

3) Bike #3 is the most tragic. For 2 months after bike #2 was stolen, Andy and I looked and searched and Andy had researched for a new bike. We were at R.E.I. at what they call a garage sale (used/returned and damaged items) and we found a $1,800 bike for about $3oo. His size and perfect. Not long after we bought it, the bike was stolen from our basement of our house. The house is shared with another couple and we share access to the basement. Someone got into the side door and took only the bike. Our neighbor's have exercise equipment and stuff down there two.

4) Will there be bike #4... Gosh I hope not.

Song in My Head 7/21

These Days Lyrics - Rascal Flatts
Hey baby, is that you?
Wow, your hair got so long
Yeah, yeah, I love it, I really do
'Norma Jean', ain't that the song
We'd sing in the car
Drivin' downtown, top down
Making the rounds
Checking out the bands on Doheeney Avenue
Yeah, life throws you curves
But you learned to swerve
Me I swung and I missed
And the next thing ya know
I'm reminiscin' dreaming old dreams
Wishing on wishes
Like you would be back again

I wake up and tear drops
They fall down like rain
I put on that old song we danced to and then
I head off to my job
Guess not much has changed
Punch the clock
Head for home
Check the phone, just incase
Go to bed
Dream of you
That's what I'm doing these days

Someone told me after college
You ran off to Vegas
You married a rodeo cowboy
Wow, that ain't the girl I knew
Me I've been a few places
Mostly here and there once or twice
Still sortin' out life, but I'm doing alright
Yeah, it's good to see you too
Hey girl, you're late
And those planes, they don't wait
But if you ever come back around
To this sleepy old town
Promise you'll stop in
To see an old friend

And until then...
I wake up and tear drops
They fall down like rain
I put on that old song we danced to and then
I head off to my job
Guess not much has changed
Punch the clock
Head for home
Check the phone, just incase
Go to bed
Dream of you
That's what I'm doing these

Song in My Head 7/20

"You Are" - JIMMY WAYNE
Baby when i look at you
You know it breaks my heart in two
How beautiful you are
I've seen you in a million dreams
Now you're finally here with me
We will never be apart
I wanna hold you forever
That's all i'll ever need
[Chorus:]You are my love
You are my life
My heart and soul
The truest friend i've ever known
You are my world
All of my dreams
My fantasy, my reality
I love everything you are

Every time i close my eyes
It hits me so deep inside
How real this feeling is
I'm intoxicated by your touch
It's a sweet, sweet rush
I'm in love with your kiss
You're the one i trust the most
You changed me

[Chorus:]

Everything, i love everything you are

DUI

No this is not really about a DUI, I don't really even drink.

I was reading my mom's blog (like I do almost every day) and there was a story she had incorporated about my youngest brother Michael. The story was about Michael reading a Victoria secret catalog and commenting on how there were no secrets in it. My mom expressed that he was disappointed like he thought that it must have contained all the secretes in the universe or something. That is how Michael is.

I have always wondered what it is like being Michael, always full of thought and questions. He has always been curious and in tune with whatever he wants to be, science, dragons, magic, and even meditation. Sometimes I admit I am even a little jealous that I don't know what it is like in Michaels world.

My mom's story reminded me how Michael always asked questions and questioned things he thought were not right.

Both my brother Ben and I still laugh at this one, because it is classic Michael:

When I was younger growing up in the 80's I frequently heard the phrase "Don't Drink and Drive". Both Ben and I will tell you that we thought that ment anything... We didn't understand that meant alcohol. When we would pick up food from McDonald's we would have our drinks in the car and we would only drink them when Mom was at a stop light. Pretty smart huh? Every once in a while we would see mom drinking her Mountain Dew while driving and thought she was doing something wrong. But I guess since it was mom we never said anything.

We soon realized that "Don't Drink and Drive" ment alcohol. But Michael must have just hit the age where he noticed the saying. One day on our way home from McDonald's, Michael said alarmed "Mom, you are not supposed to drink and drive!" Ben and I in the backseat of the car were trying not to laugh at Michael's mistake for it had also been our own, but leave it up to Michael to say something.

Song in My Head 7/19

If You Could Only See - Tonic
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Seems the road less traveled
Show's happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love
That's what you gotta do
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
You're stretching out your arms to something that's just not there
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about or love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me

Song in My Head 7/18

Forever Love (Digame)- Anna Nalick
On the ground
With my world
Upside down
I got a vision of your face
And I must get me out
For so many memories we've yet to make
God don't send to me your angels
I just wanna hear you say again
Forever love
Say your love
Digame, Digame
Tell me soI can hold you in my soul
If I go I know
When you smile
With those eyes
Baby it's like
You place a finger on my heart
And your lips next to mine
Make me think that maybe heavens where you are
God don't send to me your angels
I just wanna hear you say again
Forever love
Say it love
Digame, Digame
Tell me soI can hold you in my soul
And if I goI'll know
La la la la...
Forever love
Say it loveDigame, Digame
Tell me soI can hold you in my soul
And If I goI know
Forever love
Say it love
Digame, Digame
Tell me soI can hold you in my soulAnd if I goI'll know

Song in My Head 7/15

all i know - Syd
so I'm walking down the avenue
holding on so tight to what I said to you
in between my jaw and my belly where it burns
is what I meant to do
taking it in take a hit on the chin
keep your chin up, nothing's forever
baby your loving can change like the weather
everybody got their problems
that's how I know
you know how love goes
but all I know is every time I look at you, every time I look at you
but all I know is every time I look at you, every time I look at you
that's how I know
you know how love goes
playing the games, we were born to play
you go this way I'll go away
till you stop baby you never listen
how you know what you have been missing?
your loving can keep us together everybody got their brighter side
you just gotta hope it'll be alright
still it's all that I wait for
these years that I'd hoped for
the keeping together, the falling apart
it's you that I'll be for, forever each other
together through nights we will see through the dark
that's how I know
you know how love goes
but all I know is every time I look at you, every time I look at you
but all I know is every time I look at you, every time I look at you
but all I know is every time I look at you, every time I look at you
but all I know is every time I look at you, every time I look at you
you can never know
you know how love goes

Song in My head 7/14

Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated
{Chorus}
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that
{Chorus}
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away (3x)
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away (4x)
{Chorus}
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

Song in my Head 7/13/05

Best of You Lyrics - Foo Fighters

I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break
Holdin’ you
Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can’t choose
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Oh...
Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
I’ve got another confession my friend
I’m no fool
I’m getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new
Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I’ll never give in I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Oh...

Would You Do It?

While listening to the radio I heard an commercial about the need for women becoming an egg donor for couples that can't have children. If you qualify for becoming an egg donor a woman would be compensated $5,000.

I thought about it and looked it up on line and requested information to be sent to my house. I still don't know what to think about it.

I am the right age that they are looking for and I am physically healthy. It would be a really nice thing if I could help a woman that could not produce eggs to have children. I know that if I found out I couldn't have children I would be devastated. Also the $$$ is a nice topper. I would use the money towards finishing college. And I will still be able to have children of my own.

What am I unsure about? Well I have not had children of my own. There will be a child(ren) in the world that has half my DNA and I will never know them. With a career goal of becoming a teacher I could teach this child and wonder if it came from my DNA. I will be on a lot of medications, fertility drugs, drugs that suppress my hormones and the removal requires surgery.

But even though I send in the forms I may not become a donor. They look closely at medical history, family medical history, and other factors such as my personality and even my looks.

Song in My Head 7/10/05

Somebody's Hero - Jamie O'Neal (I heard this song at work and it made me cry)

She's never pulled anybody from a burning building
She's never rocked Central Park to a half a million fans
Screaming out her name
She's never hit a shot to win the game
She's never left her foot prints on the moon
She's never made a solo hot air balloon ride
Around the world
No she's just your everyday average girl

But she's somebody's hero
A hero to her baby with the skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the Cheerios
The voice that brings Snow White to life
Bed time stories every night
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

She didn't get a check every week like a 9 to 5'er
But she's been a waiter and a cook and taxi driver
For 20 years there at home
Until the day her girl was grown
Giving all her love to her was her life's ambition
But now her baby's moving on
And she'll soon be missing her
But not today
Those are tears of joy running down her face
She's somebody's hero

A hero to her daughter
In the wedding dress
She gave her wings to leave the nest
It hurts to let her baby go
Down the aisle she walks right by
She looks back into her mother's eyes
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

30 years have flown right passed
Her daughter's staring at all the photographs
Of her motherAnd she wishes she could be like that
Oh, but she already is
She's somebody's hero

The hero to the mother in the rocking chair
She runs a brush through her silver hair
The envy of the nursing home
She drives by every afternoon
Feeds her mom with a spoon
And that smile lets her know
Her mother's smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

Mom

My mom is one of the most wonderful people that I know. She is a very beautiful woman inside and out. She is very creative and insightful... I got that from her... but I wish I could share my thoughts as openly as she does. I have included something from her blog. This is one of the many wonderful things she has written. http://naninahawk.blogspot.com

Giving The Freedom To Live
Each of us, in life, walks on the special path that the soul is destined to undertake. Our journeys are very different and we progress at different rates. The pitfalls and blessings we encounter are unique, yet we are all learning and no one form of knowledge is more important than any other. Even so, when we observe others, it can be easy to pass judgment on their decisions and to assume their actions will correspond with what we feel is right. But for every problem, there are a multitude of solutions. Everyone makes mistakes and, while watching others do so can be frustrating, it is important that you accept each person's unique way of doing things. Giving others the freedom to act in the way they feel are best without the fear of harsh judgments honors the capacity for growth that all people possess. It is helpful to practice accepting others as they are. Never judge the decisions of others based on the path you would have taken because every person lives by different values and experiences. Challenge is a universal concept, but we all deal with difficulties in our own way. Give others the space to fail, but don't harden your heart against their experience. It isn't wise to try and fix people or control situations. You may feel compelled to intervene when difficulties arise, but it is important only to offer guidance when asked unless the person is involved in a truly dangerous situation or cannot act for themselves. Failure to choose the right path or to make enlightened decisions is simply another step on the journey. It is a means to experience and wisdom. Letting go of the need to influence others does not discount offering loving support and it does not mean that you need to stop caring. It does mean stepping back, dissolving judgment, and gracefully allowing others! to live their own destinies. Giving others the freedom to blossom in their own journeys gives you the freedom to take more notice of your own. You may not condone the actions you see taking place, but your reactions will be more loving by letting them be. And you will be able to focus on just being yourself, confident that the path you take is as right, valid, and special as any other.

Mom and Ben 2003 

Shawna and her "baby budder" Ben 

4th

First I want to say late happy birthday to my best friend Carley. She just turned 23 on July 2nd.

I had to work last night, the 4th of July. The worst part was that I had tickets to see Kelly Clarkson at the Greeley stampede and I couldn't get the day off. Someone bought the ticket from me though. So at least I can play whatever music I want to in the booth so Val and I blasted Kelly Clarkson's CD Break Away really loud.

:( :( :(
:):):)

Song in My Head 7/1/05

“Kiss The Rain” by Billie Meyers

Hello…
Can you hear me?
Am I getting through to you?
Hello…
Is it late there?
Is there laughter on the line?
Are you sure you’re there alone?
Cuz I’m trying to explain
Something’s wrong
You just don’t sound the same
Why don’t you
Why don’t you
Go outside
Go outside

Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the Rain
Whenever I’m gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We’re under the same sky
And the night’s
As empty for me as for you
If feel you can’t wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

Hello…
Do you miss me?
I hear you say you do
But not the way I’m missing you
What’s new?
How’s the weather?
Is it stormy where you are?
You sound so close but
It feels like you’re so far
Oh would it mean anything
If you knew
What I’m left imagining
In my mind
My mind
Would you go?
Would you go?

Kiss the rain
As you fall
Over me
Think of me
Think of me
Think of me
Only me

Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I’m gone too long
If you lips
Feel hungry and tempted
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We’re under the same sky
And the night’s
As empty for me
As for you
If you can’t wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

Sable

Happy Birthday Baby Sable. Sable is my little black Kitty and she is 3 today. Wow!!!

I got sable almost 2 years ago from the double J pet ranch in Windsor. I fell in love with her right away and she adapted to our family very easily.